So I made the bad decision to see David again last night. Why do I do this to myself? I didn’t get as drunk this time, although unforunately I can’t say the same for David. He was drunk after 3 drinks, yet again. As soon as he gets drunk he has two favorite topics: the first is his weird thing with the cougar, and his feelings on it (is it bad that I really don’t care?) and the second is 80s metal and how he thinks it’s so great. And I’m being totally serious here. So it was at this point last night when I called April and asked her to do something I have never ever done on a date – make the rescue call! I had her call me and pretend to be my roommate, saying our power went out and I needed to come home. David didn’t quite understand when I told him I had to go home so my roommate wouldn’t be home alone when the electrician came to fix it. I insisted and we got into a cab, and I told him I’d drop him off at another bar on the way to my apartment so he could meet his friends.
Once we got into the cab, David got all touchy feely again. To me PDA is awkward in general, let alone with a driver in the car! But I was tipsy and kind of into it… we started kissing and he pushed me down into the seat and was on top of me. Then he started to pull my shirt down when I looked over to see a guy in an Explorer next to us in stopped traffic, absolutely cracking up. He pulled me on top of him, and reached down my shirt, and put my hand on his pants. Then he said, “You have the greatest tits I’ve ever seen in my life, I swear to God.” Way to sweep me off my feet there David! But hearing it never gets old.
I was more than relieved to drop him off at the bar and head home. I got home and changed, then ordered a pizza from my favorite little family place. A large one. When I got there, the guy said, “You having a party with your roommates tonight?” Um… no honey, that’s just for me. I said, “Oh yeah, my roommates and some friends, this pizza’s the best!” What the fuck? Is a girl not allowed to chow down on a large pizza after an awkward date? I got that bitch home and went to town, amazing what a bad date and four drinks can do to a pizza.
I fell asleep and missed a call from David, and then this morning I got texts from the fisherman boy. 6 texts. With no responses from me. Like get the point dude! I also missed a call from my ex. I’ll get back to that after a little backtracking to yesterday before my date with David.
I decided to spend the gorgeous day at the pool. I almost went to the Gansevoort, but let’s be honest – this body has had too much pizza to be there right now. I went to a random health club, but the pool was great. Unfortunately, I also discovered that men in New York think that they are European, and opt for the speedo. The only, and I mean ONLY man I have ever seen rock a speedo respectively is David Beckham. I mean the man looks good in a skirt so the speedo isn’t incredibly surprising. I got my tan on next to a couple women in their 30s. It was like observing Sex and the City, age appropriate and all! The first was talking about how her current boyfriend had kids, and his ex wife was 2 blocks away. And how she didn’t really know if he would ever want kids again with someone else. Then she said she just wanted to reach out and smack him and say, “Fuck it, I’m 34, you’re in your 30s, let’s just have kids together, you know?” It’s amazing how desperate women become in New York City. Not that there’s anything wrong with wanting children and wanting to settle down when you’re in you 30s, but it’s like women just panic and freak out. Then she told her friend she wanted to call him. Her friend said, “Yeah call him. But call his office, not his cell. Then he might think it’s an emergency and he’ll definitely call you back.”
If you are faking an emergency to get him to call you back, no wonder he doesn’t want children with you! Honestly, I know it seems like I am on the wrong side here, but come on. It makes me wonder if it’s difficult for women to fall in love here because it really is that difficult, or if it’s because women are really crazy. My boss told me that her friend started dating a guy she met randomly at the gym. I was really surprised and said I had never seen people chat it up before, and that must have been true fate! My boss then said that her friend had aggressively chased this guy into the locker room, gave him her number, and asked him out for a drink that night. If that’s the way dating works in this city, I’m not going to make it. Texting someone back is about as agressive as I get, looks like I’m doomed when it comes to finding love here!
Now back to Dick… I texted him back this morning, more than a little snotty. Lately I’ve had little to no sex drive. But getting on top of David in the cab last night made me get a little turned on. Just not for David… more for Dick. I miss him calling me baby. I miss cuddling in bed with our puppy. Why is it so hard to forget all the good parts of a relationship and so hard to ignore the bad? Especially when it was really bad?
Too bad you can’t get a rescue call to your brain!
