The First Smell of Success

So today was day one. I got my vitamins, if today was any indication, they’re miracle workers! For the first day in awhile I was not thinking about food all day.
I had a big lunch and probably ate way more than I should have, but that was it. Along with a bit of oatmeal in the morning. I also went on a walk in central park. So I’m hoping it’s not hard to fall asleep tonight, sometimes it is when I’m hungry.
I know this is short but I just need to keep this documented as motivation! Brief success but success none the less:)

A Fresh Start

Well I should start by explaining the fact that i’ve recently made a few posts private. This is not to deprive you of entertainment, as that is the primary reason of this blog. It is also not the result of my embarassment or anything like that. I took to google the other day, typed in a few phrases and my blog was the first response. Should Dick or Steven ever become curious and google a few key items, the posts have been far too identifiable. If anyone knows of a way to give out a password or something let me know, that way things stay between me and you sexy bitches!

I’ve been thinking so much lately, especially since the city’s begun to chill up. I love the fall and winter, although it’s much more enjoyable when you have somebody to cozy up with. I’m done with Steven. Done with dick, even though he basically proposed to me the other night. Through a text message, describing the ring. Just what I always dreamed of. I can’t keep wasting my time on these kinds of men, I am not getting any younger and it’s just time to get it together. Or at least be a better version of myself alone, instead of a shitty version of myself with a loser.
I feel like I’ve kind of hit rock bottom. I feel the heaviest I’ve ever been. I literally didn’t fit into my jeans this weekend. And I can barely go up in sizes. I still get male attention, and I think that’s why it’s taken me this long to really freak out. Guys still check me out, I have a face that can kind of compensate for the not so great body. But I went out with some girls that are skinnier than me last night and all the guys were staring at them rather than me. When they aren’t even all that pretty. It was not a nice feeling. Not that I would date the ogling type, but it’s still flattering.

I think the reason I’ve done things like hooking up with Steven and hung around with dick is because I really am not happy. I am not where I want to be. And some parts of that are not reachable in the short term, for instance I know I won’t be financially secure for awhile. I know I will not have the perfect apartment for a long time. I’ll never have the best clothes or have the most glamorous job. But I’ve got a lot to work with. And even though I can’t be perfect, I can be a lot better and maybe that will be perfect enough for me, and perfect enough for a wonderful and funny and cute man of my dreams.

So tomorrow morning I begin my makeover. Spinning at 645am, a WeightSmart vitamin (probably useless but being healthy is in your head!), healthy eating at work, and then some motivation from good old Gossip Girl tomorrow evening. I promise that I will chronicle my success or failure along the way. I can’t be the only girl in this situation and maybe me talking about my experiences will help someone else.

So wish me luck and I’ll keep you posted tomorrow! Night and cheers to a new leaf – it is fall afterall.