Kick Ass Bitches, Ketchup, Boys, and Halloween

So… the workouts and dieting are going well. I feel better, and it helps to know that I can do what I put my mind to. If anything, I think how you look to yourself really is about your state of mind. I took a complete “me” day today… and I plan on taking another one tomorrow and Monday (day off bitches!) Today I’ve worked out, watched movies, just relaxed and now I’m blogging!

First of all, I’m watching Law and Order, SVU, and I absolutely love Olivia Benson. I know that’s not her real name but it’s more fun. I saw her E! True Hollywood Story and it made me like her even more. While I have no issue with the celebutards, it’s refreshing to see someone who is beautiful, talented, and down to earth be successful. On that note, I am sick of everyone picking on Rachel Zoe. And it has nothing to do with the fact that I love her show. Ok well maybe a little bit. But honestly – she has wrinkles, she’s thin. So what? She’s not in her 20s! The woman has built a successful brand, and it’s sad that people in the media tear her down. It can be expected from Perez Hilton, afterall it’s easy to hide behind a computer and make fun of everyone else. But I don’t understand it coming from intelligent females. Shouldn’t we support the idea of successful business women?

So I haven’t talked to Steven since I sent him a dumb and pointless late night text. I’m not over it all, but I realize I need to be. Even in the absolute best case scenario, it’s not something I want in the long run at all. I just got a taste of good chemistry again and it’s hard to let it go I guess. I heard from Dick 3 times over the past week. First I was emailing with him to be polite on his birthday, and mentioned that I had a sick family member. He expressed concern, and then in record time got back to talking about himself. He then texted and emailed me 2 notes later in the week, completely disrespectful and self-absorbed, as always. Then he called this morning. It’s amazing how much I don’t even care about talking to him. I feel so over it. And I’m so grateful for that… and i guess instead of obsessing over how much I want to be with someone else, I should appreciate the fact that I finally have what I wanted for so long – freedom from all of that shit. I want so much more than he could ever offer, it’s funny how once you’re in love nothing else seems to matter. It’s a kind of a blessing and a curse at the same time.

I’d like to think maybe it’s made me all a little wiser but that’s probably naive. I do know that I want to meet someone cool. It doesn’t have to be anything serious, but I miss having someone to hang out with, see movies, walk around the city, have random bar crawls, fuck during the day, etc. It’s the companionship that I miss the most… that and the fact that you can hook up whenever you want. That makes me sound slutty I guess but whatever… if you read my blog I’m sure that’s not the first time I’ve sounded like that! I wonder if you can find it in New York. Everyone here just seems so self-important, so intense, so full of themselves. Where are the funny guys who are normal? And by normal I mean not available during the day. Not in a band. Not a bartender. Not an actor (or director.) Not an artist. He doesn’t even have to be that nice. Doesn’t have to be perfect looking. I just need to think you’re hot and funny. That’s it. Am I reaching for the stars?

Onto Halloween! So I have a couple costumes in mind. But I’m totally bummed out because I just got invited to an amazing party on Thursday, which is the night I got concert tickets for me and Brandon for his birthday. I’m trying to find someone to switch with me, since the band is playing Friday night too in Brooklyn. If I can’t I’m going to be so bummed out! I’m pretty sure I’m going to dress up as Barbie, but that’s only if I can find the perfect pink, ridiculously poufy and glittery dress. I can’t wait!

Did You Miss Me?

This blog is so long overdue… but the true fact is that I just returned from the UK and have been crazy busy trying to catch up with life! And soooo much happened on the trip, oh my lord! Quickly, before I get into explanations… I am over Dick. Operation “getting over a breakup” successful!

I got home, and the next day got my hair done… I should mention my stylist is my ex-boyfriends girlfriend… or should I say… fiance? They are getting married! I was genuinely happy for them, but it truly is an end of an era. It made me really realize that the past is far over. That night I met up with my dear friend Jackie. She and I went over to Dick’s, so we could see his new place and have a few drinks. It was wonderful to catch up with her and she plans to come here in a few weeks so that will probably be a crazy blog post!

The next night Dick and I went out to dinner, and then went back to his place for a little midnight swim… we had some wine, some amazing sex, and then I talked to his parents for awhile once he fell asleep. It was a good night… but after I could just tell things were different. The only time Dick and I were really having a great time was while we were having sex. Dinner was bland… he was on his phone the entire time. He had nothing to really add to conversation and had a blase attitude the whole time.

The next night I went out with Jackie and my friend Roberta. We went out with some more of my “friends” in a band and checked out their show – another for Backstage Adventures! We had an absolutely incredible time, lots of flirting and hanging out with rockstars, you know, the usual! Afterwards we decided to go to the bar that some of my old schoolmates were at. I talked to my friend Tony, who was on his way home, but turned back around to meet us. Tony and I talk a lot, and we’ve always been very attracted to each other, but in other relationships.

The bar was fun, Roberta met a guy and went home with him, and Jackie was too tired to stay out. I went back to Tony’s with some of the boys, we went for a swim, and then the others went home. Tony and i started fooling around, and ended up having sex. It was fun, but is anything really great when you’re shitfaced? Well, yeah Steven was. Anyways we finished and as he drove me home I asked him to keep it quiet. He asked me if I was already having regrets and I said no, but I don’t like everyone knowing my business. That’s what I have my blog for!

Next night I went out with Dick, my brother, and a bunch of others. We went to the bar and of course ran into the entire world. I would say we knew 99% of the people in the bar, per usual. Dick and I started arguing, and left to get pizza. We ate, and then my wonderful Adriana picked us up and took us back to his house. The next day I had a family wedding to attend.

I got home, and started getting ready for the wedding, and the dress I was planning on wearing wouldn’t zip up. I was about to cry. I am now on a full fitness and diet plan, I need to stop being complacent and getting into better shape!

The wedding was beautiful and now I had to head back. The trip was nice, but if anything I realized Dick is still the same… the same as he was when I realized I didn’t want to be with him anymore. He’s so happy and content living in the world I’ve left behind, and I just want more. I feel like I’ve gotten him out of my system. I haven’t thought about him much this past week at all actually. And I can’t wait to go out tonight and find someone new.

I met up with Steven quickly today, and he is a doll. So sweet and there’s just something about him… also, Jack called me last night. I texted him today, saying to let me know if he’s doing anything fun. Amazing that for once, on the most unlikely weekend, we are both in town!

This weekend will probably be another like the 4th of July, where the crowd sucks and the city is dead. Unfortunately, the hurricane in the south halted my plans. Guess I’ll just have to wear white all weekend and get that out of my system as fast as I did Dick. And I’ll be here for the US Open of course. And how could I forget the premiere of my favorite show of all time, Gossip Girl (!) on Monday! Perhaps staying in the city won’t be quite so bad. And I am very hopeful for fall:)

I’m Busy Mindfucking You

Dick is gone. He came Friday, as expected, although his flight was canceled and he had to fly into White Plains. Wherever that is, it’s only about 40 mins from the city. I’m staring right now at our half full glasses of vodka and my feelings are all over the place. In one sense, I miss him so incredibly much and want nothing more than for him to be back here. In another, I know we are doing the right thing not being together.

I think one of the reasons for all the emotional-ness is the fact that I can’t seem to say goodbye. Always, my whole life, I’ve struggled with people leaving. Even my friends as a kid, having a sleepover and then going home and feeling empty and lonely. I absolutely hate this feeling of him being gone. His flight was canceled but he was able to reschedule out of a different airport. I wanted to lie and say he had to stay the night. Being wasted and alone is probably the worst possible scenario right now.

Friday night he got in, and we went to the bar. Conversation was shallow, but nothing compares to the feeling of hugging each other, and being close again. We got pizza, went home, I put on the sex mix, and we layed in bed. At first I honestly thought nothing would happen. Then he tilted my chin up, and we started kissing. I made him go out and buy condoms, even though we didn’t end up using them. He promised the girl he was sleeping with had been tested. I told him I had been using condoms. In reality, I had… I used one condom, with the one guy (Jack) I’d slept with since officially breaking up with Dick.

Saturday we roamed around the city, village during the day and sushi before heading home. We wanted to fuck all day, we got home and got ready for the night. Side note, I am totally hurting right now, have been since yesterday. Thank god I have no one else to sleep with because I honestly don’t think I could. And as I’m writing this, the tears are washing down my face.

We went out Saturday, and had drinks at Spice Market to start. We started talking, mostly about us, and about how things are/were. He said if I had told him I wanted to be together back around Christmastime, we would be engaged right now. He also said that if he didn’t end up with me he would probably be single the rest of his life, because nothing seemed to compare to what the two of us had. And he said that things obviously just would not work out, with the distance and everything that has happened. He admitted that he had given up on us, he said once he knew I was going out every night til 4am, he just couldn’t commit anymore. He never really trusted me, no matter how hard I tried to convince him that I was only in love with him and would never hurt him.

I started crying in the bar that night. We got some food, and headed home, again to have sex and pretend we were as close as we used to be. I held him close, as fucked up as it sounds, I would kill to have him next to me right now. Nothing compares to that companionship, and that feeling of caring about someone more than anything else in the world. We walked around the streets all weekend holding hands, he would kiss me on the forehead in the subway, we were constantly laughing.

His flight got canceled again today, and I was hoping he would end up staying the night. He was able to get on a flight 4 hours later, and as soon as he left I started bawling. We had cocktails and pizza beforehand, and I wanted to talk more about what we were going to do. He kept blowing it off, just kissing me and avoiding it. I guess I always assumed that things would shake out once I decided to forgive and let go… when in reality it has been him all along, not ready to really give everything. He left for the airport and emailed me, saying he loves me and I should never forget it. And that we shouldn’t rush things, and while I can decide what I want to do, he wants to see me as much as possible. And that the more things are forced, the worse it’s going to end up. As much as I love him, I can’t go through life knowing we will “see each other when we see each other.”

It’s been so hard for me to “get over him” and now I know that I’m not even close to over him. I still love him more than anything. I still want him all the time next to me. But I need to face the facts. If he doesn’t want to be with me now, will he ever want to be with me? What if I did move closer to home, would that even change anything? What if he falls in love with someone else… then what? He says nothing compares to me, what if he just hasn’t met the right girl? When something is right, is it perfect?

I don’t know what to do. I thought this trip would make things clearer, when I’ve actually never felt so confused in my life. I’m hurting, my heart is aching and nothing even really happened. Am I supposed to give up and actually stop putting myself through this? I can’t do it anymore. I’m annoyed with myself, after going through all of this. If I could have anything in the world it would be to have resolution of my mind and heart, and know what I want. And be able to follow that.

Ex regrets

He’s not even here yet and might not come afterall. I am horribly regretting any and all of this. Some of our friends got married over the weekend, and I heard from him while he was at the rehearsal dinner, and then not again all weekend. I’ve barely talked to him… and he’s supposed to be staying with me. I asked him if he wanted to get a hotel one of the nights so we could have some privacy… still waiting on the answer to that one.

How does he have this ability to make me feel so pathetic? In reality he should be kissing my ass, sending flowers, at least talking about being excited to see me. For the first time I realize that I don’t really fit in his life anymore… there’s no room for me, and he doesn’t care any more. I think a lot of what was holding me back so much was that I always thought he still cared – that we still had some love left. And that’s what I was clinging to… and now I’ve realized that we don’t. Hopefully that will help me put my heart into really moving on.

Him coming here would/will be a step backwards from that, because of course he will care while he’s here. I’m sure he’s going to walk in, charm my pants off, and then he will leave me feeling empty. There’s always that fantasy of seeing someone you were in love with and having it all come back, all the feelings and the waves of being comfortable and happy, especially when sex is involved. But now I can tell that things are really different, he’s not someone who even cares about trying. I barely know him anymore, no matter how much I want to hold on to him as the boy I used to know, used to love and want to be with.

I’ve been wanting to know for so long why I keep holding on, why I keep hoping that he will change and realize that he wants to be with me. But I don’t think it matters – I know why I’m holding on, and now I know why I don’t need to do that anymore. I know he won’t change – maybe the person I was in love with didn’t even really exist – maybe I didn’t see him for what he was the whole time. And now I know he doesn’t want to be with me, or isn’t capable of it. That makes me feel like shit, but at the same time, I know we were in love at one point, and I know I am capable of truly giving my all to somebody. And you can’t force somebody to care if they don’t. You can only believe in karma, and know that one day, they will finally get it.

Maybe it hasn’t worked out with any of the men I’ve met because I’ve been closed. Even though in my head I’ve been open to a new relationship, maybe subconsiously I don’t want someone else. Maybe I can’t fall in love again until I’ve really let go. Either way I haven’t taken care of myself or given myself enough credit. I do deserve to be treated well. If anything, his behavior has made me so much more sure that I don’t want to cross the boundaries into anything physical if he does end up showing up. I will not be that pathetic ex-girlfriend who sleeps with her ex to feel validated. And if he doesn’t come, I have Jack’s birthday party to go to…

Rescue Calls

So I made the bad decision to see David again last night. Why do I do this to myself? I didn’t get as drunk this time, although unforunately I can’t say the same for David. He was drunk after 3 drinks, yet again. As soon as he gets drunk he has two favorite topics: the first is his weird thing with the cougar, and his feelings on it (is it bad that I really don’t care?) and the second is 80s metal and how he thinks it’s so great. And I’m being totally serious here. So it was at this point last night when I called April and asked her to do something I have never ever done on a date – make the rescue call! I had her call me and pretend to be my roommate, saying our power went out and I needed to come home. David didn’t quite understand when I told him I had to go home so my roommate wouldn’t be home alone when the electrician came to fix it. I insisted and we got into a cab, and I told him I’d drop him off at another bar on the way to my apartment so he could meet his friends.

Once we got into the cab, David got all touchy feely again. To me PDA is awkward in general, let alone with a driver in the car! But I was tipsy and kind of into it… we started kissing and he pushed me down into the seat and was on top of me. Then he started to pull my shirt down when I looked over to see a guy in an Explorer next to us in stopped traffic, absolutely cracking up. He pulled me on top of him, and reached down my shirt, and put my hand on his pants. Then he said, “You have the greatest tits I’ve ever seen in my life, I swear to God.” Way to sweep me off my feet there David! But hearing it never gets old.

I was more than relieved to drop him off at the bar and head home. I got home and changed, then ordered a pizza from my favorite little family place. A large one. When I got there, the guy said, “You having a party with your roommates tonight?” Um… no honey, that’s just for me. I said, “Oh yeah, my roommates and some friends, this pizza’s the best!” What the fuck? Is a girl not allowed to chow down on a large pizza after an awkward date? I got that bitch home and went to town, amazing what a bad date and four drinks can do to a pizza.

I fell asleep and missed a call from David, and then this morning I got texts from the fisherman boy. 6 texts. With no responses from me. Like get the point dude! I also missed a call from my ex. I’ll get back to that after a little backtracking to yesterday before my date with David.

I decided to spend the gorgeous day at the pool. I almost went to the Gansevoort, but let’s be honest – this body has had too much pizza to be there right now. I went to a random health club, but the pool was great. Unfortunately, I also discovered that men in New York think that they are European, and opt for the speedo. The only, and I mean ONLY man I have ever seen rock a speedo respectively is David Beckham. I mean the man looks good in a skirt so the speedo isn’t incredibly surprising. I got my tan on next to a couple women in their 30s. It was like observing Sex and the City, age appropriate and all! The first was talking about how her current boyfriend had kids, and his ex wife was 2 blocks away. And how she didn’t really know if he would ever want kids again with someone else. Then she said she just wanted to reach out and smack him and say, “Fuck it, I’m 34, you’re in your 30s, let’s just have kids together, you know?” It’s amazing how desperate women become in New York City. Not that there’s anything wrong with wanting children and wanting to settle down when you’re in you 30s, but it’s like women just panic and freak out. Then she told her friend she wanted to call him. Her friend said, “Yeah call him. But call his office, not his cell. Then he might think it’s an emergency and he’ll definitely call you back.”

If you are faking an emergency to get him to call you back, no wonder he doesn’t want children with you! Honestly, I know it seems like I am on the wrong side here, but come on. It makes me wonder if it’s difficult for women to fall in love here because it really is that difficult, or if it’s because women are really crazy. My boss told me that her friend started dating a guy she met randomly at the gym. I was really surprised and said I had never seen people chat it up before, and that must have been true fate! My boss then said that her friend had aggressively chased this guy into the locker room, gave him her number, and asked him out for a drink that night. If that’s the way dating works in this city, I’m not going to make it. Texting someone back is about as agressive as I get, looks like I’m doomed when it comes to finding love here!

Now back to Dick… I texted him back this morning, more than a little snotty. Lately I’ve had little to no sex drive. But getting on top of David in the cab last night made me get a little turned on. Just not for David… more for Dick. I miss him calling me baby. I miss cuddling in bed with our puppy. Why is it so hard to forget all the good parts of a relationship and so hard to ignore the bad? Especially when it was really bad?

Too bad you can’t get a rescue call to your brain!

The X-Files: I Guess it’s Really Over, Well Come Over, I’m Not Over It

Ugh… I have been totally dreading writing about this. My ex. Such an overtalked topic I know, so cliche. I’ve done my best to move on and ignore my patheticness but I’m afraid I’ve reached an all-time low… because he’s coming here in 3 weeks.

I’m going to give the absolute briefest background possible, because I am sick of hearing it come out of my own mouth. I can only imagine how annoying it might be to read. Feel free to scroll to end. Let’s call him… Dick. Dick and I went to high school and college together. He is 2 years older than me, and it started when he used to invite me and my friends out with him and his friends in high school. Hanging out with the older, hot boys in high school is about as cool as it gets at the age of 16. We always flirted, I would go visit him for weekends with my friends once he was in college. But things didn’t change until the summer after my senior year of high school.

One night I was out with April and our friend Liz. We had just picked up some alcohol and were planning on hanging out at Liz’s house while her parents were gone, when he called us. He invited us over to his friend Pete’s house, who lived on a lake and always had the best parties. He said we could sleep there, and when I asked April and Liz they were definitely up for it. We got there and started playing drinking games. Dick talked about how he broke up with his long-time girlfriend (who is my friend Lindsay, strange right?) Dick and I decided to run down to the beach and jump in the water. April, being the voice of reason, yelled at us to grow up and get out of the water. We got out, and Dick realized he forgot his shoes. April ran back to get them and he kissed me. In the moonlight, under the stars… I am totally not trying to sound completely lame but I actually can’t help it. It was the craziest feeling ever.

We hooked up for the rest of the night, literally like 6 hours. But I was still a virgin and determined to stay one until college. I told him that, and he was cool with it. When the sun came up, we ran around like crazy people waking everyone else up, in our own little world. We were oblivious to everyone else around us, and agreed to keep what had happened between the two of us… I didn’t even tell April when she asked.

As soon as I moved into my dorm room, I called him and told him I was there. He invited me and my roommate over to his fraternity house that night for a Welcome Week party. Basically where all the guys meet the new freshman and fuck them. Sure enough, my roommate had sex with his roommate that night, what are the chances? The next night we went over there again. While all of our other friends were out in the main room, we went into his room together. I just knew it was going to happen.

Suddenly I was so nervous, like shaky nervous. Neither of us were drunk at this point. I told him it would be my first time, and was he ok with that? He said yes, was it ok with me? And then we laid down on his couch, and did it. It killed for a few minutes, he kept asking if I was ok. It was just a crazy, weird, but such a good feeling. I remember thinking he and I would always be cool, no matter what happened. “Hands Down” by Dashboard Confessional was playing and to this day I get shivers when I hear it.

After that we were inseperable. But he got back with his ex… and my friend. Now they weren’t officially together, but had a lot of history. We kept what had happened between us a secret, and continued to see each other. Then I joined her sorority… it was so weird. He and I just decided to not see each other, and no one would get hurt. It didn’t work out that way, and one day he told her what happened. It was devastating for all of us. I should have seen at this point that he was a total dirtbag, someone that could not be trusted… after all, he betrayed a girl he loved for years with me, one of her friends. I regret it very much, and I’m not sure if it was the worst decision I’ve ever made, but it’s definitely up there.

He told me he was in love with me, and that’s why he had to tell Lindsay everything. I blew it off, I never wanted to talk to him again after it all came crashing down. But one day, my roommate and friend Liz called me crying. One of our best friend’s mothers had been diagnosed with cancer months before, and our friend had gotten a call to come home from school because she didn’t have long to live. Dick lived across the street from me at the time, and I called him, hysterical. I asked him to pick up some beer for Liz and I, because he was 21 and we weren’t. He was at work when we called, and he left to come meet us. I was so upset, and he knew all the right things to say. The way he was there for me made me think I could count on him.

We spent more and more time together after that, and a few weeks later I told him I loved him too. We barely left each other’s side for the next 3 years. He bought me a puppy, we made plans to get married, I thought we would always be together. I never knew it was possible to feel the way I did.

He cheated on me twice over those 3 years. Once with Lindsay (amazing that we’re friends, right? she said she did it more to spite me than actually wanting to sleep with him) and once with some random slut he knew through old high school friends (while I was with Mr. X at Bonnaroo). When I found out I was moving to New York, we decided to stay together. He considered moving here, I vowed to somehow make it all work. Soon after I moved, despite multiple visits back and forth, things began to fall apart. He quit calling me to say goodnight after nights out with his friends, he quit trying at all. I was always out for work events, I met Michael, it was all a mess and neither of us were happy. I confessed all my feelings about the relationship to 3 people, April, Lindsay, and one of my other best friends, Jessica.

Well somehow, Dick seemed to know everything about how I felt, everything about Michael. I knew April would never say anything, but there’s no way he could know what he knew unless someone was telling him. Lindsay and Jessica vehemently denied it of course. I had a feeling something happened with Jessica and Dick, but I asked them both and they flipped out on me, swearing up and down that it would never happen. I kept doubting them… mostly because before I left, the 3 of us messed around a little in what you might call a threesome. Again, maybe not the worst decision I’ve ever made, but it’s debatable. I thought it would be harmless… we were all friends, and on the border of being blacked out drunk. He and I had always had a very adventurous sex life and we both had never done it before. Call me crazy, but I trusted them.

When I went home for Christmas this past December, I told Dick I didn’t think we could save our relationship. I could tell he hadn’t cared for awhile, and I just kept losing confidence in our relationship. Instead of being more sure, I was less sure every day. It broke my heart to tell him that. We both cried for hours, and I told him I couldn’t stay the night at his house. It didn’t feel right. He told me he had something to tell me, and walked me out to my car. He got in and started smoking a cigarette… and told him that he and Jessica had been sleeping together since I left. They were meeting twice a week in hotel rooms. And she had forwarded him all of my emails to her.

Talk about fucking Karma! I went behind Lindsay’s back, Jessica practically stuck a meat cleaver in mine. I lost my boyfriend and one of my best friends in about 20 minutes. I was so shocked. I should have seen it coming. People don’t change. I convinced myself that how we had started dating was inevitable because our feelings were so strong, and I convinced myself that we were some sort of fairytale, immune to his pattern of behavior and fucked up way of thinking. I still haven’t spoken to Jessica, she denies it to this day.

I didn’t speak to Dick for 2 months. Then someone was murdered across the street from my apartment, and the murderer was on the loose for almost a week. My roomate was out of town, and I was terrified. I called him and asked him to come… to “protect me,” how ironic! I pushed what had happened out of my mind, determined to just hang out, the way we had before we ever dated. We ended up having a great weekend, but it was impossible not to see the writing on the wall. He wasn’t the person I fell in love with anymore, no matter how badly I wanted him to be.

Sometimes I hate him for what he did. Sometimes I miss him, miss the comfort he used to bring to me. I don’t know if I’ve forgiven him, it would be so much easier if I was moved on from it all. It’s easy to forgive someone once you’re happy. And I’ve tried, it’s just so hard to get involved with someone else when you have actually being in love to compare it to. Because a random guy you meet at the bar is just not going to measure up. And maybe it’s time to stop expecting it to. But being in New York City, which is questionably the most difficult place to fall in love, with the combination of wanting to fall in love again (which is so rare in the first place) is like torture. I see him having fun and being happy again, and it infuriates me because I feel like I’m the one who actually deserves to be happy, not him.

So what’s a girl to do? Let it go and ignore all calls and emails? Let us be casual friends on his terms? Is that even possible? Do I revisit the possibility of falling in love with him again? Is it worth trying to save something so fucked up? Can I help it? Will him coming here help me figure that out? April seems to think so.

His ticket is booked, we’ll see if he actually shows up. I haven’t spoken to him since last week when he confirmed. Maybe he will let me down yet again. I can’t shake the feeling that I’m overwhelmingly fucking stupid. I feel even dumber than when I couldn’t find New York on a map (I had it narrowed down to 3… and who the fuck cares about the rest of the state if you live in Manhattan!)

It’s amazing how if one of my friends were in this situation, I’d find it so simple. I would give balls of steel advice, tell her to dump the motherfucker forever, and find someone who appreciated her and wouldn’t dream of being such a d-bag. But it’s crazy how hard it is to take your own advice.

I’ve polled all of my friends that have had long-term, true love relationships. How do you ever get over someone for good? How do you know if you should get over them? When is it time to throw in the towel when it comes to trying? The general consensus is that for Dick and I, it’s motherfucking time to stop trying, throw in the towel, throw in the entire supply of towels at Bed Bath and Beyond. The best, and probably only way to truly get over someone, according to Liz, is to find someone else. My mother says one day I’ll realize that what Dick and I had was never really love, and I’ll see that when I meet the person I’m really meant to be with. I told her that I know for a fact I loved him, maybe he just didn’t truly love me.

While this topic can go on and be debated for hours, I’ve come to these conclusions:

1. You can’t force something to fall into place. According to my mother again, you only find love when you’re not looking for it. So while it would be lovely to get over Dick with another man, unfortunately all I can do is keep an open mind and let things happen.

2. You can’t change other people, only make the best of yourself. Work out, eat healthy, get looking fierce so that when things do fall into place, you’re ready for them. Looking good is the best revenge.

Totally cheesy I know. I can’t help it. Those might seem like common sense to most level-headed women, but if you’ve read any of my other posts, level-headed and practical probably isn’t how most people would describe me!

Now from someone more ridiculous than me, but some great advice and quite simply put:

“Be a better you!” – Perez Hilton

Last pep talk ever, I promise! Actually I don’t promise, this is my fucking blog and I needed that:)